Shell of Ego
A day before I enter Amazon jungle and a healing center. I have put down my first intention for my first ayahuasca journey.
“to meet mother ayahuasca, surrender and learn to love myself – all the duality and all that is within.”
Last night, in my dreams I arrived at the center.
I felt out of place.
My insecurities returned and I felt waves of fears hit me.
Thought of worries and concern about myself.
Thoughts of judgments towards myself and others.
I was crumble, vulnerable, and weak.
I wanted to go home, back into my shell.
Then I saw myself painting a mural: a giant leaf with its ends extended in all directions.
I realized that this is what I am here to do – to paint and I cannot run away.
I closed my eyes and I tuned into my being.
And I saw thick layers of shell that have formed.
Shell of Ego
Shell of ideas I have towards myself.
Shell of personalities that is fill with insecurities.
I surrender into my being and firmly told myself.
If this shell is part of me then let me be with in.
Let me live my whole heartedly and with full awareness of it.
Let me go deep inside this and unite with my core
and all that I am.
In mist of darkness, a butterfly spread its wings.
Vibrating with colours from its core.
It is me.
It was me and the darkness was my cocoon.
Ruby light glowed from my center, shined over my wings.
My heart is opening
Feeling as if there was a wound inside my chest.
A beautiful painful expanding slit from my being.
Then I woke up, gasping for air as I must had stopped breathing at some point during my dreams.
The feeling on my chest was still there and the vision of the butterfly also was still in my head.
Beautiful experience it was, I thought to myself as tears ran down.
We are here to love ourselves. No matter what we are or carry with us.
Being aware of all that we are and
Love ourselves <3 ?